Wednesday, September 12, 2012

I Heart The Kardashians. Here's Why.

Yes dammit! It has been my secret shame for far too long. I can no longer bear the weight of my Kardashian love on my own. It must be shared.

It started small. I stumbled upon Khloe and Lamar's show and from there found myself sucked into re-runs of Keeping Up With the Kardashians and before I knew it...I was a full-fledged fan. Team Khloe all the way! She is hilarious and wildly inappropriate. And her mother calls her fat all the time and I can identify with that. (My mom is about as subtle as a tornado.) Chris Jenner, however, is pure evil. My mom knows when to back off but this woman has no self awareness. I'm pretty sure she's dead inside and is only able to walk around and pass as a human because of all the surgery she's had. Is there a surgery that holds all your parts and pieces together while allowing you to survive off a tiny piece of coal for a heart? The woman is obsessed with herself. Well, with her looks. The truth is, Evil Queen, you are not as beautiful as your daughters. You will never be as beautiful as your daughters no matter how much you starve yourself or nip and tuck. There is nothing wrong with that. Accept it. Stop being so vain and shallow for five minutes and be grateful for the stunning good fortune you have had in life. I know deep down you're probably just very insecure but the way it looks from the outside is extremely unflattering. Maybe you should worry more about how you're coming across to the world and less about your neck looking fat. Just saying.

I should totally be a celebrity therapist. When I saw what poor Britney went through a few years ago with the whole head-shaving, umbrella break-down thing, I got inspired. And compassionate. Because I know what it's like to feel crazy as a bedbug. Instead of judging her or the Kardashians, or any other celebrity for their behavior I am always the sucker in the back of the room saying "We don't really know what happened you guys." At work I tell clients all the time, we are in a judgment-free zone. I don't really care too much about what you did. I want to know what need you filled by doing whatever it was and how to get that need met a different way next time so you don't end up on the news.

Speaking of the news, another Kardashian trait I am impressed with is their ability to air their dirty laundry and struggles publicly and without apology. I absolutely love it. I even love the way they handle press negativity and the constant demand for more, more, more. I don't know about you but if my dating life were front page news and fodder for every schmuck armchair psychologist out there I don't know how well I would handle it. Kim Kardashian, however, seriously deals with it professionally and with class. I can honestly say that because I tune in people! And yes I know a lot of it is scripted and cheesy but a lot of it is pretty darn accurate.

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West - cute dammit!

This is a Huffington Post article on why Kim shouldn't marry Kanye. Personally, if I were either one of them I'd tell the haters to bite me. But that's probably why I'm not super rich and famous. Sigh.

Also, I hated Kris Humphries. Watching him on the show and hearing him speak to Kim and her family members with disrespect and cockiness was gross. He was all about being "The Man" and "In Charge" and he wanted Kim eff'ing Kardashian to like, kiss his ass and be the little woman. He mocked her for being a glamour puss. He made messes just to upset her. Can we say douche canoe?

To satisfy my love of all things Hollywood I will be selecting celebs for a little Arm Chair Angry Shrinkery. Kim and fam, being my faves, have the (dubious?) honor of being my first celebs in my endeavor to fix the world, one celebrity at a time.

Regarding the Kim/Kanye romance, all I have to say to them is go for it! You deserve to be happy and screw the press. To have articles like the one from above written about you is ridiculous and insulting and your ability to rise above it is laudable. Kim - while it may have looked strange from the outside, anyone who actually watched the show saw how wrong you and Kris were together once they got a taste of how opposite you were. Not to mention, the douchery on his end. I never saw you do a single thing to push his buttons or try to teach him a lesson. You don't seem like a game-player but he sure as hell did.

I wish Kim and Kanye the best - everybody deserves to be loved. Everybody deserves to have a partner they can trust in. Being rich and beautiful does not disqualify you from the search for love. I'm sure I'm going to get all kinds of haters for this but I want to know why - why do you love or hate The Kardashians? Why do they hit such a nerve with people? Discuss!

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