Spider-mergency

Actual conversation last night:

Me: Jacob. Jacob. Jacob. There's a really really big spider over there. I'm gonna need you to kill it.

Jacob: No. Hand me my candy.

Me: No. You'll get no candy until you've taken care of that monster.

Jacob: Stop it. You're being ridiculous.

Me: Hun, you don't understand. It's really big and it's coming towards me. It's moving! Seriously! Just squish it for me? It's looking at me. It can see me. I'm seeing it see me and it's totally creeping me out. Please squish it!

Jacob: No. Stop being silly. You kill it. It's fine. Spray water at it.

Me: Oh good. Anger it with water. No. You get up and you kill it or I will not give you any candy (Munson's chocolate - the good stuff btw.)

Jacob: No. What makes you think I want to do that??

Me: You're being a really bad friend right now. Seriously. Bad. Friend. Not cool. This isn't what friends do. Friends help each other in times of need.

Jacob: You are out of your mind! (FINALLY gets up and looks over at the beast.) Jesus Christ! That is a big spider! I'm not squishing that thing! That'll be icky! No way! (Note: "icky" is a direct quote)

Me: It's coming closer! It's coming at me! Bad friend! Bad friend!

Real love means never having to squish spiders.

This was followed by Jacob walking a wide arc around Spidey and returning with a can of Raid Ant Spray. Then proceeding to spray the crap out of the it. Not surprisingly, Mr. Spider beat a hasty retreat only to be pounced upon by Jacob. With ninjaesque quickness and lots of swearing, Jacob scooped Spidey up using my super cool lap desk as he tried to climb it in an attempt to escape. He then threw the entire combo outside. The lap desk is still out there. It smells all Raid-ey now. Deal breaker.

And that's what we call "Friday Night".