Friday, November 30, 2012

Screw Skinny

skinny [ˈskɪnɪ]
adj -nier-niest
1. lacking in flesh; thin
2. consisting of or resembling skin
skinniness  n
The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition copyright ©2000 by Houghton Mifflin Company. Updated in 2009. Published by Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.

I don't know about you guys, but I've had it with this "Skinny" bullshit. I. Am. Over it. In case you haven't noticed, Skinny is the new buzz word for what women should aspire to be. Bravo-lebrity Bethenny Frankel (who I so happen to love) has created an empire for herself out of her invention, Skinny Girl Cocktails. At first I thought it was cute. And smart. Everybody knows alcohol is loaded with empty calories so if you're a drinker it makes sense to want to cut back and save yourself a few guilty thoughts or extra crunches at the gym.

More power to you.

However, Skinny Girl isn't the only Skinny out there. Not only are there cocktails, there are entire books called "Skinny Bitch." I don't know if you've read any of the Skinny Bitch books but they're exactly what they proclaim to be. An actual mean spirited and yes, bitchy, diet book that pretty much tells you if you eat anything other than pristine, fat-free, chemical-free, organic nothingness you are a fat loser and doomed to misery and loneliness.

I have had enough of this insanity. Do you see the definition above? Lacking in flesh, consisting of or resembling skin. Why on God's green Earth is that anything to aspire to? When I think of the word skinny, stick figures come to mind. Stick figures with no curves, pronounced vertebrae and collar bones sticking out like brittle badges of honor.

Congratulations. You're malnourished. 

It seems like everywhere I turn someone is promising to make me skinny. And for a long time, I bought into it. I even bought that book - Skinny Bitch - and read most of it. And it made me feel absolutely horrible about myself. So I stopped reading it and had myself a sandwich. But how many other women out there don't stop reading? How many others buy into this idea and make themselves miserable or worse? How many women out there are hurting themselves in order to fit into a size zero? 

Look, I've been thin most of my life. But I've also struggled with anxiety most of my life. And for about fifteen years I couldn't eat the way I wanted to eat because my anxiety and panic was so bad that every time I'd try I'd basically shit my pants and want to die. I had an eating disorder by proxy. And it sucked. I never felt well, I was always tired, often depressed, and severely, severely anxious. I didn't go anywhere or do anything without a cocktail of Immodium and Zanax. And even with those things, chances are, I'd be losing whatever food I ingested before the night was through. My inability to eat safely and without fear limited my life to a tunnel of safe spaces and people who understood my struggle.

So I've had it. I'm done. I don't want to be skinny and I don't know why anyone would be. I'd like to be healthy please. Svelte perhaps. Or gamine. What beautiful words to describe the female form. Yes, please, I'll take those.

Screw skinny! Who's with me?

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