Saturday, July 28, 2012

Inner Monologues

I have been narrating my life in my mind for as long as I can remember. As a kid I would get lost in my head due to all the commentary happening in there. At times I would even refer to myself in third person, that took a little extra effort but I felt it was worth it. I have always been a writer even if it wasn't on paper. I didn't realize that life itself would be the story I wanted to tell. I always thought I would write fiction because that is what I read almost exclusively my whole life.  When I graduated college I had to get three jobs to compensate for the whole, I have no interest in following my major thing. And life got a lot harder so I escaped with fiction. Harry Potter books made all the stress disappear and quickly became my go-to for when I needed an escape. But when I attempted fiction writing on my own it fizzled out. Writing dialogue for characters was incredibly difficult because the narrator in my head only spoke in my regular old voice and when I tried to apply other voices it just sounded awkward. Plus, nothing cracks me up more than...myself? So there's that.

I never thought my life would be anything anyone would want to read about. I just get up every day and do stuff. But I do have a lot of mental garbage floating around and I have to say, it feels pretty good to write about it. It also means I am putting my money where my mouth is. I am constantly annoying and harassing my clients to write. It's tremendously therapeutic as it forces you to put your experiences into words and onto paper. This makes them real yet removed from you emotionally. When you put words on a page you are then able to sit back and look at them objectively. You are mentally and physically processing when you write. Both sides of the brain light up. It's one stop shopping for working through whatever life has thrown at you.

As a kid literally narrating in my head whatever was happening at any given moment, "She pours the cereal in the bowl and prepares to eat it like a hungry wolverine" was a pretty standard thought process. I don't know if everyone has this. I just know that my brain has always been like this and it used to annoy me as a kid because at times it was almost compulsive. Inner monologue and hair twirling are my own special OCD-type quirks. The combination of inner narration and hair twirling are kind of my signature moves. So if you see me twisting my hair around my finger and staring off into space rest assured that there is probably something totally awesome happening up in my head.

I am providing this adorable kitten pic purely for your enjoyment.
You're welcome. 

As I write this I've had to stop several times to twirl my hair. I would be an absolute disaster as a poker player. 

No comments:

Post a Comment